sadness vs. tragedy

While I was cleaning out my grandpa’s vacant cocoon at Wesley Palms, a good friend was attending a memorial for a 14 year old girl.

I’m sad that my grandpa has passed, but it his death is far from tragic.

Finding the right perspective makes the sadness almost pleasant.

Bon Voyage, Grandpa Caleb!

It has been 24 hours since grandpa passed.

Thank you so much for the overflowing kindness and warmth. I truly feel the love for Grandpa and my family.

It has been especially wonderful getting notes from his old associates – people who he mentored in the church over the last 8 decades or so. He was beloved. He was kind. He was gentle. He accumulated almost no wealth and yet was wildly successful. He questioned his beliefs throughout his life…shedding the ones that didn’t resonate with his soul.
He lived in gratitude and tried to think God’s thoughts to be a tool of the divine.
He made the weight of his life matter for what he believed in. He was a peaceful warrior.

I’ll be talking/writing/editing video about him for a long time. Because he has made me who I am and remains a part of me…always.

I’ll leave you with a scan of one of my favorite pictures of him. I found the original news clipping yesterday while cleaning out his room. This picture always reminded me that Great Men are not just of myths. Great Men can walk beside you and be your peers. They can be your grandparents. And they can be You.

grandpa & mlk

Orchid Lust

This weekend I visited a GORGEOUS Orchid Farm in Leucadia.
I have been gardening for years but never have much luck getting my orchids to re-bloom. So it was a kick to see that I am not alone. In fact, the farm has an ORCHID HOTEL where you can drop off your plants after they bloom. They’ll give expert care (room & board) throughout the year and then call you when they are ready to bloom again.

(cell phone pics)

possibly trip to Budapest!

Just got off the phone with a client. Slight chance I’ll be going to Budapest next month to shoot some behind the scenes videoblog stuff. It doesn’t pay, but it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity that I’m not sure I can pass up.

(p.s. this post is a cross-post test)


I just watched a GETV video about using twitter updates to activate a vibrator, so you can “feel” messages.

Ya know, I had a very popular “Vibe Me, Baby” webpage back in 97 & 98.

People could page me with funny messages from the web. (It was very innovative back then.

I remember it being one of the first times I grasped “digital intimacy” and the way we can be connected via the web.

Vibe Me, Baby I,II,III, IV,V , VI VI and VIII are aching to be read.

Later I actually did experiments with Dildonics (controlling sex toys via the web) while I lived in a webcam house. One time I had people in multiple states vibrating different parts of my body. heh.
I actually did a demo on a Channel 4 doc in the UK. I’ll see if I can find the footage (EDIT: Found it! scroll below!).

Online Videos by

Springtime in my Trousers

(wriiten and published in ’98)

Springtime in my Trousers

I am sexless. I mean, I have a sex. I’m male. It’s just that I’m not having sex.

Normally I can handle the celibacy thing, but this springtime vibe is killing me. Its starting to get really distracting.

Its not my fault. Its Springtime. Its warm and there’s crazy pollen in the air. Birds and bees are spreading flower semen all over the place. There’s a whole lot of secreting going on.

The other day my Dad asked me to skim the pool of all the pollen, then added, “we wouldn’t have to clean it so often if we could keep the tree from jerking-off so much.”

Well I can sympathize with the poor tree. The springtime vibe has a death-grip on my loins, too.

I’m masturbating 2x a day. This is remarkable, as I haven’t been able to break the 1x/day barrier since I was in Jr. High. I’m a testosterone milkshake. And I’m having physical manifestations to prove it: I’m getting boners all the time. I haven’t felt this randy in years. I wonder If my voice is gonna change again?

God, it was embarrassing getting erections in jr. high. I remember watching the clock and hoping there was enough time for my hard-on to go away before the next passing period. Back then, I also wore a sweatshirt tied around my waist every day to hide the inevitable uprisings.

Maybe I should tie a sweatshirt around my waist at work to help me with my current “problem.”

I doubt that’s considered “business attire.”

There’s not really much consideration for “boner-hiding” in male business attire. I guess I could wear my tie really long to cover my…wait, no that would just direct everyone’s attention to my crotch. Sigh.

And while I’m on the subject, why is it so wrong to have an erection? Why is this natural occurrence so horribly embarrassing? I mean, I get hard-ons for no reason all the time. Every day. I hardly think that qualifies me as a sex offender.

Like last Wednesday, I’m driving back from lunch hour. My belly’s full, my car is warm inside from the sun, and …hey, looky there!…I’m engorged!

So a couple blocks later, I’m back at work. I’m sitting in the parking lot and It’s still there. What do I do? Try to hide it as I quickly dart to my cubicle, like a kid concealing stolen goods from a shopkeeper ? I would be scared the boss would step out from around a corner and demand, “You there! What have you got stashed there in your trousers!!?”

Hiding it makes it feel so shameful. And that doesn’t feel right. I’m not ashamed that I get erections. It happens. Just like people burp. Sure, its rude to burp loud and be obnoxious about it…but if you let out some bodily gases with a demure, “excuse me”, I think that is socially acceptable. It is certainly considered more acceptable behavior than walking around with an erection. And it’s not like I’m going around, rubbing it on people. I just have it. You wouldn’t judge someone for having a big pimple, would you? And yet men have even less control of REOs (Random Erection Occurrences)!!!

I say: next time one of us men gets an erection in a public place, we wear it proudly! Tell the world, “Yes! I am virile!” Do you think if enough of us did it, we could pull it off? I’m in. Anyone else?

(And we could use women’s support, too…maybe a word of encouragement or a casual compliment? )

Beware the Hides of March

Happy March!

March is one of those limbo months with no real holidays. Well, there is St. Patrick’s Day, but it’s hard to justify taking off work so you can drink green beer, ya know?

But why stop at green beer?
I like to take the whole Irish theme one step further and use GREEN LUBE. Sure! Who doesn’t want the luck of the Irish easing their intercourse as your plunge your little leprechaun into your woman’s pot of gold?!

But fair warning: Make sure you tell her first. A few years ago I thought it would be “cute” to just slip green food dye in my normal lube. After my partner and I “finished” I told her to look down.

Instead of smiling at my clever holiday spirit, she saw the green goo dribbling down her leg and ran screaming and naked out the front of our house.

FYI, the same holds true if you use red food dye on Valentine’s day.