This was a very good year.
Perhaps my best.
It does just seem to get better and better.
This year was marked by some significant circumstances for me.
I started my 35th year newly single and in pain.
I thought that healing after a breakup would be easier now that I am older and more evolved.
I was wrong.
It was the first time that Iâ€™ve ever questioned if the joy outweighed the pain.
I went to a therapist for a short bit.
I detoxed for a period.
And I got much more disciplined in my spiritual practice.
In particular, a regularly saw two teachers: Grandpa Caleb and Jacob Glass.
I saw them both weekly for most the year, and the impact has been profound.
I spent lots of time over the past year with my parents, too.
And had the absolute joy of watching my nephew come into being.
Baby Calebâ€™s fire grew strong. As Grandpa Calebâ€™s fire went out.
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It was beautiful and poetic.
And while I *have* cried, I have experienced almost no sadness with Grandpaâ€™s passing.
I feel blessed and honored to have shared his final chapter.
I learned that, more than any wise words, it was Grandpaâ€™s intense state of gratitude that affected me most.
I also found out that the Old man and I had a special bond: We both love the stage. We both love spreading love. And to many peopleâ€™s disapproval, weâ€™re not bashful about it.
After Grandma died, some voices around him were saying, â€œquiet down, preacher.â€
But I was turning the volume of his mic up, broadcasting it around the web, and recording it for future generations.
I consider our HugNation collaborations among my greatest achievements. I feel honored to have worked with my grandpa, and honored to share such a sacred moment with everyone who joined us in that journey over the last year.
I think one reason why grandpa was so happy and peaceful during his final chapter was because the magnitude of love he felt from his online connections.
So thank YOU for being a part of something so special. (even if you havenâ€™t watched an old HugNation with grandpa yetâ€¦whenever you do, youâ€™ll be a part of it.)
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The truth is, I wasnâ€™t sure if I would continue HugNation after Grandpa passed.
I love hosting HugNations. I love setting up the digital space and getting a group of loving people together. And while I enjoy leading the hug very much, sometimes I donâ€™t feel like I deserve to lead it.
I donâ€™t meditate. I enjoy to excess. I enjoy porn. Iâ€™m vain. Etc. etc.
Grandpa, on the other hand, walked the walk.
So I wasnâ€™t sure if I had earned the right to continue hosting by myself.
But I dunno. It just felt right to continue and let it shift form.
So I listened to impulse.
I introduced the idea of the Tao Buffet. So that instead of interviewing Grandpa before the hug, I tell a short story.
I tell them for my own benefitâ€¦to remind myself of things like,
â€œFloat more, steer less. Love more, fear less.â€
But the vibe is the same. And Grandpaâ€™s energy still flows through.
And I think everyone who participates feels it, too.
Attendance is higher than ever. And in the last week Iâ€™ve become swept up in an “RV Hug Tour” idea that has taken me over in a way that I can barely describe. It is wonderful.
Itâ€™s as if the Hugmobile is my Pink Arkâ€¦and this is our destiny.
So as my next cycle around the sun begins, I am full of excitement and hope and love.
It is an honor to share the path with you.
Thank you for being you.
me in my birthday suit after the cut…
Continue reading birthday ramble (and birthday suit pic)