Hug Nation broadcast about “Why Pink?”
And a blog entry about the same thing:
It is the question I get asked most often, after, “What are you doing in the women’s bathroom?”
I first embraced pink as an intentional confrontation of male stereotypes. It was an anti-macho statement to reject defined gender roles. It was an attempt to chip away at the ridiculous notion that you can judge a book by its cover.
It began with pink clothing at Burning Man, but seeped into my default world, and eventually the color of my hair. I’ve been some degree of flamboyantly pink for over 10 years.
Because of the pink, I also get asked alot, “are you gay?”
I have a few ways I like to respond, but none give a straight answer. (pun intended.)
If it is an honest question, I usually say, “I don’t like to box myself into a category of straight or gay or bisexual. I’m just ‘sexy to the core.’ And I’ll sleep with whomever I feel a connection with.”
The reality is that 99% of the time it is women who give my shivers and tickle my insides. But politically, I’m bisexual.
When someone asks in a more attacking way, I say, “I’m very flattered, but I’m not available right now. I’m in a wonderful relationship. And unless we’re potentially going to hook-up, I can’t see how my sexuality is relevant.”
When the attacks are meaner, I have to bit my tongue and not share the sexual escapades that this “faggot” has been privileged enough to experience… in many ways *because* of his comfort with his feminine side. I just practice being defenseless.
I can still remember the fear I had when I was a kid. The thought of being called “gay” was terrifying. I would have said anything, worn anything, and acted in any way to make certain that my sexuality wasn’t questioned.
It is for this reason that I avoid answering “Are you gay?” with the quick dismissive, “no way!” that I practiced as a child. Nobody should feel like answering an honest question about who they are is a admission of something negative. There should be no “right” answer to that question.
Through the years, pink took on much more meaning for me. Pink has all the love and affection connotations of red, with none of the aggression. This makes it a perfect color to represent hugs, and so it became the theme color of Hug Nation.
During a talk about Pink with my grandpa one day, I also realized another unifying aspect of this color: We are all pink on the inside.
Just this week I learned a NEW reason to love pink. I was shown this cool little video explaining that there is actually no such thing as pink light. It is a combination of a little red and a little blue. The color spectrum ends on one end at infa-red and the other at ultra-violet. The place where pink might go is actually the band between the colors that contain ALL the other waves of the universe: Gamma waves, microwaves, etc.
So all this time pink has also been representative of all things unseeable in the universe. Wow.
Having pink hair had another unplanned effect: It became a moat. Without speaking my appearance would instantly repel or attract people. I wasted no time with people who were close-minded or uninterested in connecting with someone outside-the-box. At the time it drew people in that were bolder or different.
It instantly labeled me as someone without a traditional job or mainstream values. It became a filter – or walking ice breaker.
People sometimes think the pink hair is evidence of my social nature, but often the opposite is true. I use it as a crutch to hide my shyness. It protects me from having to approach people, and shelters me from rejection. By the time you have crossed my pink moat, I usually know that you are outgoing and accepting.
The last 2 years I have shaved my head and gone brown (my natural color) for several months. The experiences have been powerful. The switch has allowed me to step back into using the color as a tool instead of a crutch. A cape instead of a mask.
And as festival season has now finished, I’m ready to be brunette again.
This time I have a new reason for shedding the moat. I want to connect more. I want to be the change I want to see in the world in a more personal way.
I want to look more people in the eyes more. I want to smile at more strangers. I want to be a stronger force of love in the world in my day to day life and my interactions with fellow human beings.
I set out on this task and realized that I felt a bit confrontational at times. Perhaps having a pink mohawk is not the best uniform for this task. Not everyone wants to make eye contact with someone who has intentionally cultivated an “outsider” appearance.
Perhaps it is time to look more “monk” than “punk.”
I have some fear about loosing my plumage. I like feeling different. I like making a statement before I say a word.
But hopefully I’ll make a statement now with my loving eyes and friendly smile.
I’m sure I’ll be pink again in the future. But occasionally you have to turn off the porch light so that you – and others – can see the stars.
Oct 25, 2011