2 thoughts on ““How to Love a Goddess” Hug Nation Oct 16, 2012”

  1. Strong work, but I’m going to ask you to stretch a little further.

    I got stuck on….
    ‘…allow her to grow…”
    This sounds as if you are giving her permission to grow.
    “…allow someone to struggle…”
    This sounds like you are offering someone the opportunity to struggle.

    These are statements that contradict the overall message of surrendering control that creates space for an equalizing relationship of respect and honor. The use of ‘allow’ in the above context is misogynistic control language. I’m not sure what the better, more accurate word would be, and so I’d like to open a discussion about it.

    I honestly don’t think you mean to say, that you personally have a tight grip on the way your relationship is run, and that you are permitting your partner’s personal growth – when you let her have the space and time to attend to herself. But that’s what ‘allow’ in this context conveys to me.

    I hear you saying you are bowing aside to help make space for your partners charge of her personal growth; and that you are amazed and honored to be in her presence to witness this transformation; and love her as she develops into an even more awesome person. I hear you expressing awe and are asking your viewers to follow suit.

    I see, and personally struggle with lingering misogyny. It’s probably safe to say, we’d all like to believe that we’re functioning in a postfeminist world in which all things are happily equal. The reality is that we are not, we have some left overs from our less-enlightened youth and stuff that’s carried forward from our parents time. It’s the little sniggly slivers like “allow her to grow” that perpetuate the misogyny we’re trying to abandon. Even when you don’t mean it that way. Again, I really don’t think you mean it that way, which is why I’m writing to ask that we consider different language to express the sentiment of loving kindness, support, honor and above all surrender as expressions of love for our partners as they learn, struggle and develop as people.

    I hope you read this message as a loving nudge and not as a nit-picking examination of one word in your video. I believe in you and your messaging, you are an incredibly valuable contributor to our social structure both on and off the playa; if you are using even the littlest sliver of misogynistic language you are in a way, allowing for misogynistic language to continue – even if it is a total contradiction to your overall messaging.

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