Category Archives: me stuff

HugNation CNN clip!!

If you missed me on CNN, here is a version copied off my TV! I finally saw it and am SO STOKED! I think they treated me pretty good.

If you have Flash 9, a better Quality version is live on the CNN site here!


Join us in Venice, CA on Sunday and San Diego (across from Balboa Park) on Tuesday!!!!

And Videos from Seattle, Portland, SF, Sactown & more at

gift of gab

I was thinking about HugNation and the way I prepare for each week’s Tao Buffet story.

Occasionally it is a story I have told before, but usually I wing it.

I prepare a little bit, but I don’t plan out what I’m going to say. I have a basic 4 or 5 points, and then I just kinda let it flow. 🙂
Which is why I’m always asking, “Make sense?!” I’m generally not aware when I’m putting thoughts together clearly or not.

Its funny, I often understand what I was talking about much better after I watch myself during editing. 🙂

Talking on my feet has been a skill of mine since the end of college. Since a specific event, actually. Although I was scared beyond belief, I ended up being quite witty while a contestant on the TV Show STUDS. That experience of shining when the pressure was on gave me a confidence in my ability to hold my own in conversations, interviews, stage improve, whatever.

I’ve learned to let myself start falling and then trust my feet will fall in front of me (speech-wise). It’s like verbally trusting the flow: Float more, steer less. 😉

One of the Best Days of My Life

I just re-watched the Yahoo videos and cried.
I didn’t cry until the very end when I look up and say, “We will do you Right.”

I welled with emotion because I feel like I am honoring my grandpa right.
So much so, that I feel like his energy is still a huge part of my path.

People often want to say, “I’m sorry.” Or You must miss him… but I feel overwhelmed with gratitude, blessings and love.

Oh, did I mention… Grandpa and I were on the front page of all day.


Today was one of the most wonderful days of my life.

I was..BOMBARDED with love today.

Read message after message of appreciation.
In chat. In comments. In person.

I tried to express sincere thanks and project the same amount of love in return.

Because, really, the more love I receive, the more I feel like I have to give.

It’s like I said in the Yahoo piece: Love is not a finite resource.

And a hug, by it’s nature. Is non-depleting.
You can’t give a hug without receiving one.
So as more and more people read the piece, felt the vibe, and made their way to the chatroom, the love became tangible.
As I responded to questions and thoughts via webcam, the crowd reached 136 simultaneous chatters, and a steady flow of wonderful people all day long.
I felt intoxicated with the positive energy.
It was as if the chatroom was a spiritual perpetual motion machine-
A love turbine generating more and more positive energy, without any friction to slow it down.

There was a voice or 2 of negativity over the course of the entire day.

But it was crushed quickly by the positive momentum.

“Ignore him,” I said with total confidence and from a place of love. And I paraphrased a story of the Buddha:
I’m not sure why he wants to bring that oily black energy into this place,
But if we refuse to accept his gift he will be the only one holding it.

But the crowd was shockinly supportive and loving. I think many people were suprised by the vibe of the room.


It is now 1:30 am and I am finally winding down.
It is hard to sleep… I feel overflowing with compassion and warmth.


Thank you for all the love today. We’re doing Grandpa right.


late night thoughts on vanity

I realize that I use my body as an artistic medium.
Not just as a canvas to adorn…
but to sculpt and tint as well.

Is that vanity?
It is much like any tattoo enthusuast isn’t it? I see no problem with
seeing your body as an expression.

When I look in the mirror or set up my tripod, I am creating temporary art.

It is the fabric. It is the clothes. It is the sunglasses. It is the pose. And the hair.

It is also the body.

_skullbelt 005

It is a strange kind of art, isn’t it? I’ve seen similar “art” on myspace celebrities. I suppose I should research others…Jeffrey Star, I believe is one.

Are we Deciples of Ziggy Stardust, perhaps?

But, Like Ziggy Stardust, I *hope* my expression only begins with the visual.

Ziggy Stardust rocks because the songs is awesome.
That Bowie used his body as further expression? awesome x2

Not that I compare myself to bowie…
Only that I consider him a teacher.

Thank you, Amy!!!


The wonderful thing…

is that in the last couple weeks, the “art” of mine that has recieved the most kudos EVER…

Is the ONLY one I always keep my clothes on for.

HugNation. 🙂

Besides, I think I’m learning how to be sexy with my clothes on. 😉

rv 016

birthday ramble (and birthday suit pic)

This was a very good year.
Perhaps my best.
It does just seem to get better and better.

This year was marked by some significant circumstances for me.

I started my 35th year newly single and in pain.
I thought that healing after a breakup would be easier now that I am older and more evolved.
I was wrong.

It was the first time that I’ve ever questioned if the joy outweighed the pain.

I went to a therapist for a short bit.
I detoxed for a period.
And I got much more disciplined in my spiritual practice.
In particular, a regularly saw two teachers: Grandpa Caleb and Jacob Glass.

I saw them both weekly for most the year, and the impact has been profound.

I spent lots of time over the past year with my parents, too.
And had the absolute joy of watching my nephew come into being.

Baby Caleb’s fire grew strong. As Grandpa Caleb’s fire went out.

Online Videos by

It was beautiful and poetic.

And while I *have* cried, I have experienced almost no sadness with Grandpa’s passing.

I feel blessed and honored to have shared his final chapter.

I learned that, more than any wise words, it was Grandpa’s intense state of gratitude that affected me most.

I also found out that the Old man and I had a special bond: We both love the stage. We both love spreading love. And to many people’s disapproval, we’re not bashful about it.

After Grandma died, some voices around him were saying, “quiet down, preacher.”
But I was turning the volume of his mic up, broadcasting it around the web, and recording it for future generations.

I consider our HugNation collaborations among my greatest achievements. I feel honored to have worked with my grandpa, and honored to share such a sacred moment with everyone who joined us in that journey over the last year.

I think one reason why grandpa was so happy and peaceful during his final chapter was because the magnitude of love he felt from his online connections.

So thank YOU for being a part of something so special. (even if you haven’t watched an old HugNation with grandpa yet…whenever you do, you’ll be a part of it.)

Online Videos by

The truth is, I wasn’t sure if I would continue HugNation after Grandpa passed.

I love hosting HugNations. I love setting up the digital space and getting a group of loving people together. And while I enjoy leading the hug very much, sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve to lead it.
I don’t meditate. I enjoy to excess. I enjoy porn. I’m vain. Etc. etc.

Grandpa, on the other hand, walked the walk.

So I wasn’t sure if I had earned the right to continue hosting by myself.

But I dunno. It just felt right to continue and let it shift form.
So I listened to impulse.
I introduced the idea of the Tao Buffet. So that instead of interviewing Grandpa before the hug, I tell a short story.

I tell them for my own benefit…to remind myself of things like,
“Float more, steer less. Love more, fear less.”

But the vibe is the same. And Grandpa’s energy still flows through.
And I think everyone who participates feels it, too.

Attendance is higher than ever. And in the last week I’ve become swept up in an “RV Hug Tour” idea that has taken me over in a way that I can barely describe. It is wonderful.
It’s as if the Hugmobile is my Pink Ark…and this is our destiny.

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So as my next cycle around the sun begins, I am full of excitement and hope and love.

It is an honor to share the path with you.

Thank you for being you.

me in my birthday suit after the cut…
Continue reading birthday ramble (and birthday suit pic)