Category Archives: Writing

Go Meet Yourself

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While traveling in Bali, we had plans to attend an Ecstatic Dance event at the Yoga Barn. I had never attended an Ecstatic Dance and I was petrified. Lucky for me, it was sold out by the time we got there.

I ended up meeting someone outside who knew me only from Burning man and my online presence. I told her that I was deeply relieved that it was sold out because I was so anxious about attending.

She smacked my knee and started laughing hysterically.

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The Progress Virus

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(I am posting this as a way to play with ideas I have been reading & thinking about. I have not vetted all info, yet. I welcome opinions or links to corroborate or argue against anything within.)
When I proposed the thought experiment (see last post) of your consciousness being someplace other than right behind your eyes, it sounded absurd.
I mean, what would a Human Being be without consciousness as we know it?

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Who are You? (From the View in your Head)

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Your perception of the Universe is warped because of where your consciousness is housed.
You experience the universe from the space right behind your eyes. It almost feels like your head is the cockpit of the meatbody spaceship that you control.

But you only control the movement of the limbs and muscles. You only perceive what the exterior senses access – experiencing (some) light waves as color and (some) vibrations as sounds.

But you are blind and deaf to the majority of what is happening in the Universe and inside your body.
Continue reading Who are You? (From the View in your Head)

Bowie Gave Us Permission

“I don’t know where I’m going, but I promise it won’t be boring.”
-David Bowie
Photo of David BOWIE
David Bowie live at Hammersmith Odeon on Ziggy Stardust tour.
I am not a Bowie scholar or hardcore music fan, but it would be hard to overstate Bowie’s impact on me.
In some ways, every artistic expression I’ve had the courage to express has been on his shoulders, in his shadow, recycling his paint, borrowing pages from his playbook.

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“Supportive Knights & Warrior Princesses”

I have spoke in the past about seeing your partner as their highest.

I told the story of how I have fallen into a relationship role where I try to protect my partner from harm, pain and suffering.

This doesn’t sound like a bad thing.

But it does not allow the other to grow.

Sure, you don’t want a seedling to get trampled,
But if you keep it inside it will never get the wind, and direct sunlight it needs.
It will grow weak and never become the flower it is meant to.

One of the hardest things about loving someone is seeing them struggle.
We anticipate their struggles and try to protect them.
Nobody likes to see someone they love stress or suffer.

My instinct is always to fix or change the situation.

But I have learned that true love isn’t about being a knight on a white horse that comes and saves the princess. Real love is about holding space for that princess to be a warrior – and seeing her strong and powerful – even when she can’t see it herself.

Support her? yes.
Save her? no.

During the early chapters of our relationship, I put lots of effort into being this new kind of modern night. A support knight. I reminded her of her potential and refused to accept her declarations during times of frustration.

And she grew.
Into a powerful warrior princess.

She was an intern when I met her. She became an entrepreneur. Over the next 2 years she grew a company, a brand, and a reputation. She won awards and got press. She blossomed into a such a dramatic vision of success that she became a source of inspiration for others.

And she caught the bug. With her success, her vision grew.

She devoured trainings, seminars and books. She worked with coaches and studied mentors.

Somewhere along the line, I got scared again.

I started to focus more on her struggles. I worried more about the obstacles.

Now to be fair, she fell into this trap, too. I think the path of an entrepreneur is a challenging one. How do you focus on constantly making your business better – while not becoming obsessed about what is wrong? How do you enjoy the cone while being constantly vigilant about removing crap?

I see this in all the entrepreneurs I know. The good ones are the ones who can enjoy the process of crap-removal. Instead of constantly being in a state of Oh-No! More problems!

I also think it is critical to take time, and make an effort to focus on the good whenever possible. To take a moment every day or every week to remember what is going right, what has gone right, and what wonderful potential lies ahead.

At FreshRealm, we do this with an organization-wide gratitude circle. And it makes MASSIVE difference. There are literally hundreds of things that need to be done. And we would suffocate under the weight – if we didn’t take time to appreciate the path – and our fellow teammates.


Empath
I’ve always been slightly annoyed when people say, “I’m an empath.” Is that really a special power? Like, “I’m a compassionate person.” But as I look at the struggles I have with my partner’s stress, maybe this what they mean. And maybe some people do feel others experiences deeper than normal. When I mentioned this to friend this week he said, absolutely – it is your greatest strength – and weakness.

It is this empathy – this experience of anothers pain – that makes me want to fix, to save… and sometimes to run away.
It contributes in huge ways to my fear of commitment. The idea of tying myself to pain and suffering outside of my control is terrifying.


But this is my classroom. This is the advance course I must take right now.

A recent status report showed that I got a little off track. I forgot the importance of faith. Forgot how love means believing in someone’s potential.

I forgot that Love is ACTIVE. It is much more than accepting them and loving them AS IS (although that is part of it.) It is the conscious mental thoughts of seeing a person as the highest version of themselves. Of seeing through their ego doubts, of refusing to believe the small voices in their heads (that they may share with you) and refusing to listen to the small voices in your head that you may project on them.
This is the Love Warriors duty. This is the heart-centered path of honor. This is the way of the Supportive Knight.

I lost my way, m’lady, and I will work to rejoin you on your glorious path.

-John
march 3, 2014

8 Ways to Find Meaning In Life

8 Ways to Find Meaning In Life (A Download on my 42nd Birthday)

As I approached my 42nd birthday, I hoped I had something profound to share. Afterall, Douglas Adams brilliant “Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy” clearly stated that “42” was the Meaning of Life.
Oddly, I barely slept last night as the following thoughts on Life’s Purpose came through. (To be honest, my inner voice had vague european accent while we hashed this out. Weird, huh?)

Finding Meaning in life is accomplished by doing 8 things.


Moving.
Solving.
Helping.
Creating.
Listening.
Appreciating.
Reading.
Laughing

Moving.

You are an organism. Don’t forget it. We have miracle machines that fly us through the sky and build us cars that then propel is through the world. But don’t forget that you are a wild beast. You are full of muscle and nerves and sensation. Technology and tools can help us expand our experience of being a human. But we have come so far, that it now takes discipline & diligence to keep balance. Walk. Stretch. Play. And fuel your body with real food.

Solving.

Look, life is going to give you problems. Instead of thinking, “Oh No!” every time something happens, try to think, “This is my new thing!”
Your life is probably filled with countless obstacles that are getting in your way. There is always some work, school, relationship, health or responsibility to deal with. That is kinda the definition of “life.” So try to change the way you look at those challenges.
Whatever you are doing? THAT is the task at hand. Be present & do it well. It will neither go faster nor easier if you complain.

If you are ever bored, try to find something that you could improve. It could be a weed in your yard, a moment in someone else’s day, an open-source framework that needs a better GUI. There are ALWAYS things that can be improved. Be a part of the solution. Life is a do-ocracy. If you can spend your time engaged in interesting challenges working towards things you believe in….you win.

Finding interesting challenges is what the Ride of Life is all about.

3) Helping

I have to admit, I kinda got tricked into learning this one. “Helping others is the best way to feel better about yourself!” Seemed just way too Lame to me. I always thought you needed to help others because it would reduce the guilt of having so much while others had less.
But learning about Gifting – and about how others’ joy could bring me joy – transformed my life.

Creating

We all think that we are bad at art. But that stems from a fundamental misunderdtandinhg of art. Art is expression. Art is beauty. So whatever you express and whatever you think is beautiful…is art.
And that goes WAY beyond a canvas or a slab of marble. Art is the way you throw a party, dress yourself, or respond to wrong numbers. Art is when you CHOOSE to do something because it feels right to you, not because of what you think you should do.
Where to place the paint stroke. When to fly a kite. Who to give a compliment to.

Listening.

Learning to be a good listener will make you instantly become twice as interesting and charismatic. People often have trouble feeling heard…so if you can be the kind of person who listens, you give a great gift.

Grandpa Caleb used to spend a few hours a week at a “Listening Post” at his retirement community. He would just sit. and then anyone who wanted to, could come by and talk.

I would add a caveat that this does not mean you need always be available for people to rehash their limiting stories. If someone needs to tell you a sad story once, Listen. If they keep telling it, it better be in the context of how to make a change.

And to listening, I would include listening to yourself, as well. Taking time to be quiet is important. Try to pause from doing & fixing and instead “Sit in the question.” It is tempting to believe that we can think & act our way out of any jam. But often it requires some stillness before clarity can be restored.

Learn to be present for others and for yourself – and life will blossom.

Appreciating

The world is amazing. But with so much brilliance, it can be easy to take things for granted. “NEWS” is a collection of everything that has gone wrong and our cultural dialogue is obsessed with problems. It is good to take time to re-set your baseline each day and marvel at the experience of life. It is easy to eat food without tasting it, shower without feeling it, and drive by a meadow without seeing it. When we can practice to notice those things, life is amazing.

Reading

The written word has taken the concept of time and annihilated it. You can go anywhere. Not reading books is like not using your “Time Travel” Sense.

You are going to want to watch TV instead.
And, theoretically, that would be the same thing. Except it’s not.
Books are written by artists.
Movies are made by “Show Business.”

Our marketing culture has created a whole system that provides us a constant stream of brainstem-tickling base-level crap.
That is true for Food, Sex *and* Entertainment.

Slow down… you deserve the best of all three.

Laughing.

If you don’t think alllll of this is all incredibly funny… you should spend more time in front of a mirror in your birthday suit. Life is either hilarious…or incredibly cruel. I prefer to think of it as amazing and try to smile and laugh every chance I can. Pick quirky over cool. Pick silly over serious. Pick weird over reserved.

We are hurtling through space on a piece of rock that is the perfect distance from a star to maintain a temperature hospitable to life. (Except Florida in the summertime.)

among the lush and sprawling ecosystems of that living planet are creatures so crazy it makes CGI look silly. (I’m kidding. But after people were gushing about the Planet in the Avatar movie I felt like I had to respond to every one of them “well, have you looked around EARTH!?”)

And at the end of one of the branches on this Planet’s tree of life resulted in a conscious, hairless monkey.

That monkey body is – at all times- fighting off bacterial and viral attempts to overtake it’s cells.

That monkey body is able to perceive and experience a TEENY slice of the visual and auditory spectrum…but my goodness it is amazing. Add on top of that all the other monkeys who have been creating and recording MUSIC for us to enjoy!? MUSIC! Don’t get me started.

And then atop this monkey body is a monkey brain that has the awesome gift of receiving the input from this incredible world.

And if all that wasn’t enough… from someplace science has yet to understand, we have a consciousness that allows us to ponder and think ABOUT those sensations and experiences of the world.

WOW!!!!

Now, if you aren’t careful, this can all get away from you. And all you will be able to see is the next obstacle in your path. Life will not be the fullness I just described but instead be simply, “Everything that is wrong with this day and this person and this situation. FML.”

So we need to PRACTICE those 8 things.

Moving.
Solving.
Helping.
Creating.
Listening.
Appreciating.
Reading.
Laughing

Wait, why isn’t “Loving” on the list. you might ask? Because Loving is the way in which you do all those things. LOVE is what you are. You express love in the ways you move, solve, help, create, listen, appreciate, laugh & even read.

And when you start walking that path, you realize that we are all in this together. And love is all there is. And then you can enjoy the obstacles when they come up, make art when you have time, and sit & listen when you don’t.

And always bring a towel.

Love,
-John